EN goes back to work today after we just spent three weeks together, not working. Since he works second shift and I work normal hours, this is the most time we’ve spent together. Ever. I’m happy to say it went well, we even forgot to fight about anything substantial.
I’m not going to lie and say it was all sunshine and roses. Once I decide something needs to be done, I steadily move along and get ‘er dun, like sorting through the girl’s rooms, etc. He, on the other hand, watches me run around, then pitches in at the last possible minute before I explode. He did this last week with a bunch of totes from the basement. We have piles of clothes that Sugar wore that needed to be handed down to Spice. Of course we forgot to go through these bins when Spice was actually a size 2T, 3T… Since the donation truck came last week, it was time to get rid of everything that wouldn’t fit. I spent Wednesday and Thursday going through the girl’s rooms and had piles of stuff to give away. When does he pitch in and decide to help? 8:00 pm on Thursday night. I came downstairs from putting the girls to bed and there are plastic totes strewn all over the kitchen. WTF? Ok, Jerky, lets remind ourselves: Thursday night is the ONLY night the Ice Princess watches TV. McSteamy is on and nothing comes between McSteamy and Princess O’Ice. You dragged all that shit up here, you take care of it. Talk to me while McSteamy is on the air and I’ll combust. Do not even breathe in my direction.
The other annoyance is his interest in my computer screen. Whether I’m blogging, reading Facebook, email or simply playing a game, his favorite place to stand is right behind me, so close that I can feel his breath and hear him chomping on his gum. The temptation to reach behind me and pinch whatever part I grabbed was so strong, I’m stunned that I was able to resist and all of his parts are still attached. God must have been smiling down on that boy.
Then there’s the iPad… I haven’t downloaded anything useful onto it, but I think I’ve come close to earning a black belt in Fruit Ninja. I have Sudoku and Word Search puzzles as well. Captain Helpful can’t be found when the girls need a bath, but he’s right there when I’m struggling with a Sudoku. He’s even kind enough to reach over me to poke a spot on the screen and say “That should be a 3.” He’ll then offer a charming smile and say, “Would you like to know how I knew that?” Yes, you are welcome to share your wonderful insights with me just as soon as you allow me to imbed this stylus in your left eyeball.
I have been very productive during my time off. I’ve gotten rid of loads of crap, finished school, Christmas, movies, birthday parties and dinner out with the girls, switched to online banking, joined a gym AND worked out multiple times, etc, etc. And what has boy wonder accomplished? Well, he drank beer. He bottled beer and he brewed more beer. His time management skills mean that right now, he’s running through my filthy kitchen (from brewing beer) like his ass is on fire, packing a lunch and apologizing for the mess he’s leaving behind. Of course he had plenty of time to read over my shoulder to see what I was cackling about.
If we look at the big picture we see that I really have nothing to complain about. As long as he’s given direct orders, he’s generally a good helper and almost always a great dad and husband. But enough’s enough, get out of my house and go make beer and get paid for it. Let someone who is NOT married to you clean up after you. ;o)
Please note, I now have THREE followers as Snorting Girl joins the ranks. I have such hilarious nicknames for some of you… if you ever meet each other, shall I introduce you by your blog names or real names?