Monday, January 24, 2011

Advice from a Five Year Old

I would say that the letter to Sugar was a success. She was up early and knocking on my bathroom door even before I got in the shower. She told me how much she loved my letter. As we waited forever at the bus stop for the bus that didn’t come, I shared the notebook idea with her and she loved it. I brought home a notebook tonight and she’s already written me a note.

I had high hopes that we would all have a good day. I picked Spice up, her first day back in a week, and she seemed to be in good spirits. We headed off to Sugar’s school and the look on her face told me that all was not well in her world. I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing was, until we got into the car. The car doors were barely closed when she started talking about another fight with her best friend. She talked all the way home, then parked herself at the counter to continue with her tale of woe while I was cooking. Spice sat next to her, listening attentively.

Apparently, Sugar’s BFFL has dumped her again, telling her that she’d rather be friends with other people. I asked Sugar why they had to only be friends with each other? What’s wrong with having lots of friends? Sugar said she didn’t see a problem with that, but her friend doesn’t like it. She only likes to be friends with one person at a time and during the time she’s decided she doesn’t want to be friends, the ones left behind are supposed to stand around and wait for her to return. If they play with anyone else, BFFL comes over and has a tantrum. I realize this is only one side of the story, but I’ve seen Sugar maintain friendships with lots of girls and not having any issues. I’m not real sure what’s going on here, so it’s hard to give advice.

It is also hard as a mom to not get involved. There’s a part of me that wants to email the other mother and ask, “What the fuck’s wrong with your kid?” However, I remember getting in many fights with my best friend through third and fourth grade, even to the point of throwing my Miss Piggy lunch box back and forth at each other until the handle broke off… I went crying home to my mother and she told me to fight my own battles. Mom was right in this case. When mothers get involved, they become very protective of their own. There may be an angry exchange of words between the parents that may never heal, while the third graders will go back to being best friends the next day. 

On the other hand, there’s really nothing keeping sisters out of the fray. Spice started throwing in her two cents about five minutes into the conversation, asking questions and telling Sugar the way it should be. She put her hand on her hip, swished her hair all about and said, “Well, you need to tell HER that you don’t want to be best friends with her anymore and that’s that.”

Sugar cried and cried and said that she doesn’t want to hurt her friend by saying those things to her which seemed to infuriate Spice further. “She hurt your feelings, who cares?”

It became more apparent than ever during this exchange why they have their nicknames. I only wish it were possible to give Sugar a little bit of Spice and vice versa. One will end up getting walked all over while the other one will be doing the walking.


Ice Princess 

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