Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Nice Voice

I wrote a few weeks ago about the proper way to complain. I neglected to include something that I’ve been accused of using at times. It’s called Nice Voice. My normal voice probably has a sarcastic edge to it most times, but when I need to, I apparently have a cutesy, sing-songy voice that I use.

I never realized I did this until I was making a call from my office for my boss. There was some sort of issue, so I had to fight to get my way, but be professional about it. I must have been over the top, because during the call, I could hear my boss smacking the wall between our offices. I’m pretty sure I heard gagging sounds too. After I got my way, I went into my boss’s office and said, “What?!” He imitated my tone, voice and then accused me of using Nice Voice.

Since then, every time I use that voice at work, it is mentioned and even worse, imitated. I know in my heart that I do not simper, giggle or bat my eyelashes. I think imitating Nice Voice just isn’t as much fun without over-dramatization.

I use this voice mostly with our IT department because they notoriously don’t help people they don’t like. So I try to make them like me from afar. I chat them up and get personal information so I can ask when I call next time, because we all know there will be a next time. I chatter away in Nice Voice asking about their kids, jobs, weddings, softball teams and pet snakes in their office. Oh yeah, I’ll even go there. I’ll even let the IT girl call me stupid on occasion. It makes her feel superior and she delights in helping my stupid ass out. She’s also the one with the snake in her office, she can say whatever she wants to me so long as I don’t have to contend with that snake.

Yesterday, my boss decided that he needed something done IMMEDIATELY and since I’m known for pulling crazy shit out of my butt, I was tasked with it. I had to call my friends in IT. I knew that Nice Voice wasn’t going to work for this one. The last time I asked for this favor, they said no and shut me down. I had to tell my nemesis that he had to do it himself (he was so mad he didn’t speak to me for over six months).

It was a ridiculous task really, one that I could do if I had high-level access, but no one is going to let me touch the inner workings… So I invented Sweetie Muffin voice. I pulled out all the stops. When I dialed, I initially sounded teary, then I flirted, batted my eyes and even simpered a bit. Not only did my little IT friend say he would help me, but he took care of it right then and there. He even sent a follow-up email to ensure that everything was working properly.

The follow up conversation with my boss went something like this:

Me: I just sucked up to an IT person to get it done.
Boss: IT Girl?
Me: No, she was on vacation. I used Sweetie Muffin voice on someone else.
Boss: Never try that voice on IT Girl.
Me: It’s called “role playing” and it works. I believe your favorite female employee ever used the same technique.
Boss: Fascinating.

So I got to thinking, how far is one willing to go to get assistance or get something they need? Is it ok to flirt with someone? Are you also willing to flirt with someone of the same sex (knowing they are homosexual and you are not)? Is it really so wrong to use our feminine wiles to get what we need? I say no, and I recommend that you look back to a post I put up months ago, about getting pulled over but not getting ticketed. My advice stays the same:

Shake what your mama gave ya! 

Ice Princess

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