Potty Talk

I’ll admit that I am a freak about certain things and have funny rules for food, house cleaning and hand washing. Despite what Shannon’s husband thinks, I do not walk around muttering, “Must wash hands” under my breath. Really, I don’t.

There may be piles of junk all over my house, but I keep the bathrooms really clean. There may be dirty laundry on the floor, but the faucet is polished and the sinks and toilets are disinfected regularly. No one will get a case of cooties from my bathroom. If you do, blame Spice. I have no idea what she does in there, but I do make her wash her hands upon exiting.

It is with great disgust that I come to work every day and use the bathroom in our building. Each floor has its own bathroom, so one would think that people would behave appropriately in the bathroom because we all know who’s using it. Not so much in this place. Every day, there are unflushed messes, nests of toilet paper on the floor, water all over the counter tops, graffiti on the stall walls, and the smell… The smell is usually eye watering and more than once I’ve had dry heaves while I attempt to quickly do my own business. Several weeks ago, there was an overwhelming odor of cat urine in the restroom. I’m not sure how that might have happened, who would let a cat come to work with them? I thought perhaps it was my imagination, but I asked three female coworkers and they noticed it too. One said she sniffed her clothes while in the bathroom, concerned that one of her cats peed on what she was wearing.

The building manager recently sent out a memo that all the bathrooms were going to be refurbished, one floor at a time. We might be inconvenienced, we’d have to use restrooms on a different floor when ours was under construction. We were all very excited. In our silly little heads, “remodeled” meant new sinks, toilets, stalls, floors, etc. We dreamed big and hoped for toilets that actually could flush more than one square of toilet paper at a time.

How sad we were when we realized that their idea of remodeling was painting a wall and installing new sinks. Though they have granite countertops, they are still drenched in water so if you lean against the sink when you wash your hands your shirt gets soaked and it looks like your belly button peed. Even worse, the walls are painted green, which clashes with the broken tiles on the floor, new granite and stall doors. Really, who chose this stuff?

We share the floor of this building with a company that seems to employ mostly women, so our bathroom gets a lot of use. Maintenance comes to clean it during the day, but they never bring the power washer they need to rid that place of its filth. Remodeling didn’t make it look any cleaner or smell any better, perhaps they could have saved money and invested in Lysol rather than green paint and granite countertops.

I am intrigued, then, when I go into this shithole (pun intended) and find women hanging out in there. They chat amongst themselves. They apply make-up, brush teeth or pop zits (seriously) at the counter. And yesterday, a lone woman sat in a stall and chatted on her cell phone. Really? You think that’s a good idea? Sitting in this dump, probably while taking one, and talking on your cell? First off, that’s just gross. There’s a line to multi-tasking that should not be crossed…ever. Second, I don’t want to hear your business and super-yuck to you saying “I love you” at the end of your call. Third, where exactly do you put the phone when you wipe? Do I even want to know?

I was so disgusted by the potty-going-cell-phone-talker that I posted something on Facebook about it. Several men on my list commented about “concentrating” while on the throne, multi-tasking while in the bathroom, talking to their *ahem* business… I think about the men that I have seen enter “the office.”  My father, the men I’ve been married to, the men I work with that I watch go out the office door and into the men’s room. At home or at work, I’ve seen guys bring into the bathroom with them: an iPad, cell phone, books, magazines, newspapers. That just ain’t right.

This is the way it should work… Go to the bathroom unarmed-no book, no phone… get in there, do your business and get out. This room is not meant for hanging around, all business in that place. I can’t comprehend why someone would actually want to spend extra time in there.

Meanwhile, as it turns out, Skinny Bitch works for the same company as the gross women who share my floor. She is fortunate that she works from home, so she doesn’t see the impact her coworkers have on public space. I’m encouraging her to offer a training class titled Etiquette in a Workplace Restroom. She hasn’t come through for me yet. 

xoxo

Ice Princess