Monday, February 14, 2011

Another Reason Why I Suck

I’m here to tell you that it’s true, most husbands shop for their wives at the very last minute. How do I know this? Because I’m the gal that shops for her husband the same way-very last minute. I’m used to going to the mall or into Hallmark stores and being the lone woman in a sea of men.

What’s interesting is that these men bond with each other, standing in the “Wife” section of Hallmark. Some stand there so long I wait for them to start passing cards to each other. One would think that I, the Lone Woman Ranger, would become part of this club. I’m sad to report that this is not true. The men look at me with horrified expressions and are probably thinking to themselves, “Glad I’m not married to that broad! My Betty Crocker is probably home making my four-course dinner wearing a thong and push-up bra.”

I have been so pressed for time that I even bought an anniversary card in a gas station once. Last year, I was so late that I had to buy him a smoochy, kissy card and we always buy the raunchy cards. EN opened the card, read it and looked so touched. Then reality struck him and he said, “You feeling all right, babe?” I had to confess that I went the mushy route because that was the only Valentine left in the husband section. But those are not the worst examples of my behavior. This Valentine’s Day takes the cake. We had an extremely busy weekend and even though I left work early to get a few cute things for the girls on Friday, I ran out of time before today’s Love Extravaganza.

I managed, over the weekend, to buy things for the girls, take care of a couple of personal appointments (ok, so I made time for a hair and nail appointment first, SUE ME!), two hard workouts at the gym, a surprise party for a friend, cupcakes for the girls and other prep-work for Spice’s party. But in my race against time, I never did anything for EN.

Given that he’s always the last one to do anything, you’d think that he would be worse than me. Sadly, that is not the case. This year he outdid himself by buying me something from a store that sells their merchandise in little blue boxes. If you know where I live, you know that he *really* had to plan in advance as their nearest store is more than an hour away. He had to order something from them online and leave enough time for shipping.  

Now, EN gets excited to give me gifts and gave me this beautiful necklace last night. And what does his schmuck of a wife have to give him in return? Nothing. Zero, zip, zilch. Not even a raunchy card! How humiliating and awful is that? I am so incredibly embarrassed by my behavior!

I attempted to redeem myself by telling him to buy himself some stuff to brew a new batch of beer (how freakin’ grand of me!). Today I spent my lunch at a local Hallmark store and found a suitable card.

Tell me ladies, when do the raunchy-card-buying wives hit Hallmark? I really need to be better about shopping in advance.  

EN: I know you are reading this and you know I love ya! Hopefully my card buying buffoonery doesn't make you want to head for the hills. :o)

Happy Valentine's Day to all!

Ice Princess

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