Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Under Pressure

I have been out of sorts all week and I’m not really sure why. I finished school in December and I expected this great weight to come off my shoulders and it hasn’t. I feel like I should have more time to get things done and I don’t.

My house is just as messy as it was while I was in school and I can’t figure out why. Every evening I spend time picking things up or shredding though the daily pile of junk mail. Yet the piles aren’t any smaller and there are little bits of things lying around everywhere. I can’t seem to get ahead.

I am disappointed at the way other things are running at the house. I am starting to feel like things get done only when I bark orders. I’m sick of being the head bitch in charge. I’m sick of letting one thread go only to see it fall by the wayside. I’m one gal and while I’m hefty enough, I can’t do it all. If I don’t fill in the form for the class party, no one else does and I’m stuck bringing in the crap that no one else volunteered for. If I don’t remind everyone that their annual project is due on Thursday, no one does it and they simply recycle last years.

I have tried to be diligent about going through the checkbook on a weekly basis and paying bills before they’re due. However, there’s still one or two that fall through the cracks and money doesn’t seem very plentiful these days. I almost take the checkbook and turn it upside down to shake it out to see where the money has gone. It’s easy to figure out that things cost more and gas costs more, but our paychecks are still the same. Given the conversations that I’ve had with various friends recently, I have no right to complain about finances. There are many that are struggling with the basics while I'm complaining about finding a way to pay for the extras we enjoy. I am fortunate and I shouldn’t complain. I just feel stressed when I look at the accounts and I hate feeling that way.

I am disappointed with the way my hunt for a new job is going. I thought that my resume would practically sparkle with the addition of the Bachelor’s degree. Instead, no one gives a shit. Employers can’t even be bothered to let you know they received your resume these days. I applied for three jobs today, one was for my own amusement. I don’t have the job experience that they were looking for, but I know I could do the job. I’ve been on the outside looking in at that job. Since I knew my resume wouldn’t sparkle, I added some oomph to the cover letter. The employer makes my favorite kind of candy so I added that I “unequivocally adore the product even though my favorite item was discontinued.” At least the person reading the resumes might get a giggle out of my buffoonery.

I’m anxious about our trip. I leave with the girls on Saturday for a week in Myrtle Beach with my sister and her kids. We parent very differently and I’m worried that we won’t get along. I’m worried that my girls’ bad streaks will continue. They’ve been out of their minds lately-not listening, not using manners, losing items needed for the trip. It’s difficult to stay on top of it all. I know what we need to bring, the girls have tried on summer clothes. We have new bathing suits and flip flops, we’re ready for a week in the sun. I hope to relax. For at least a minute.

I’m in a snit for no good reason really. I have my health, my family, my house and my job and I type this with a sweet puppy curled up in my lap. Perhaps the mood is weather related, I feel like we’re in the midst of 40 days of cold rain… the weather might be impacting the girl’s behavior as well. No one can get out and blow off steam in this dreariness.

Or I can blame it all on the bathing suit shopping I did today. Because I am unhappy with the way I look, I pulled out all the stops and shopped at Walmart. Nothing too good for this girl! I went for a black floaty number because those two qualities are guaranteed to make my fat ass look smaller. Yeah right.

Ice Princess 

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