The wife almost always gets the reputation for being a nag. I will tell you that in the early days of my marriage my nagging was met with, “You need to lower your expectations.” In essence, EN was saying he would do my bidding when he got around to it. I was expected to put up and shut up. Every once in a while something would piss me off and I’d end up taking care of it myself. Best example: me pregnant with Sugar, pulling the air conditioners out of the windows in January. I had mentioned wanting this done, REPEATEDLY, EN just hadn’t gotten to it yet. It’s amazing how fast that man will move when I start doing something myself. In fact, that’s how
everything most things in our house get done.
I find it interesting that Sugar reacts the same way when anyone asks her to do something. I am used to the “In a minute” reaction, but I am her mother and can usually scare (read: threaten) her into toeing the line, because that’s what mamas do. EN is frustrated by her laissez-faire approach to tasks. He’s doesn’t just get frustrated, he ends up infuriated. He’ll scream and yell and tell her to do what he has asked of her. I giggle at the show, because I am married to that same monster. I’m sure there’s a rule somewhere that it’s ok for husbands to take their sweet-ass time, but not ok for kids. In the end though, I am frustrated because Sugar may move fast for her father or me, but there’s still no budging EN until he’s good and fucking ready.
You will be enlightened by this next sentence. I am not the biggest nag in the house. Isn’t that crazy? No, instead, the people that live with me are all nags, and they nag constantly… until I’m ready to rip my ears off and just give them what they want so they will shut the fuck up and leave me alone.
EN has been the King of Nags since we met. He learned quickly that if there was something he really wanted, he would get it if he bugged me long enough. He perfected his act and will talk incessantly about his latest and greatest want/desire/NEED and he will not stop until I’ve caved. This is why he has a truck and a car… he refused to trade in his truck to purchase a new vehicle when we had Spice because, “We’ll always need a truck, babe.” This is why he has two motorcycles. This is why he has piles and piles of tools. This is why he has a camper that he swore he would rebuild two years ago. We just moved said “camper” to the new house. In actuality, the “camper” is nothing more than a metal frame with piles of rotting wood stacked beside it. Yes, we moved the wood too… so he could use the pieces as templates to rebuild the camper.
The problem was alleviated slightly when we set up a spending account for EN that part of his paycheck is funneled into. I do not look at or access his account. He has his own money and can make his own decisions without consulting the wife. That’s really how we ended up with a camper. He had enough money in his account to buy it and it just showed up at the house one day. I should have been clearer about his things taking up my side of the garage.
And there’s Sugar. I don’t know if she’s learned that same behavior from watching EN in action, or if those traits were something she was born with. Girl is a Class A Nag. If she wants something, she will not stop until she wears me down. She does this when she wants stuff: electronic devices, toys, clothes, shoes. She does this when she wants me to do things: plan elaborate play dates and sleepovers. She does this when she wants to go places. No dream is too big for Miss Sugar and she will stop at nothing to get it.
She has no shame in begging for things in front of her friends, either. She’ll beg and cry and tantrum for the world to see. Her friends usually have the good grace and common sense to look embarrassed for her. Sometimes she’ll even do this in front of her friends AND their mothers. It’s almost impossible to handle these situations without looking like a total shrew.
What does this say about me? I’ll tell you what it says. It says that I am obviously a marshmallow and a pushover. This is surprising given my reputation as a bitch with superpowers. Honest to God, friends have even told me that they didn’t approach me for years because they heard what a bitch I am. Seriously? How can anyone even think I’m that mean when the people that know me best poke at me and torment me until I give in?
The wrong people think I’m mean. Then again, do I really want to be the mother whose kids beg her not to attend events because she’s mean to their friends? No, instead, I’m invited everywhere and stalked by crazy little people who think Sugar and Spice’s mom is hilarious. They even think I’m funny when I tell them “NO.”
Wrong on so many levels.People know what buttons to push and I don't like it.