Friday, June 24, 2011

Welcome Mat

One of the reasons I married EN was because he really is one of the nicest guys on earth. Sometimes though, his level of niceness deserves nothing more than a dummy slap to his forehead. I mean seriously, he gets taken advantage of more than I do, and that’s saying something!

EN is off this weekend with his band of misfits attending a biker party in New York. He’s been going for the last four years and somehow got to be in charge of providing food and beverages for all. Quite impressive given that he can barely make an edible grilled cheese at home. However, the fare for the weekend consists of grilled meat, chips and beer. Despite my best efforts, the boys have refused my repeated attempts to send along homemade blueberry muffins and salads with vegetables in them. They insist that chips and beer (hops) are vegetables and the flavored vodka is fruit-based.

EN very diligently takes up a collection for food ($25/each) and charges everyone for the beer they request from the distributor. It goes without saying that they spend more on beer than food, but hey, they are camping in the rain and using portapotties for the weekend. I would need to be under the influence all weekend too.

This year, a group of five guys showed up to sleep here before departing, another one showed up at 4 am and others were expected to meet them at their destination. Some of these guys are “regulars” but others are virgins this year. It’s amazing to watch these guys pack up the night before. There’s a shitstorm of activity and piles of stuff everywhere, somehow it all gets loaded into trucks while beer is being consumed as everyone gets into party mode.

The guys that show up the night before have remained pretty steady. They help load and show up afterwards to help unload. On the other end of the spectrum are the mooches who drop their crap off to be carted in a truck so they can ride their bikes. They don’t help with the packing process, nor do they ever arrive at the destination in time to help set up camp. It is expected that EN and whoever else arrives first save them a "good spot" and collecting food and beer money is also a challenge.

I have mentioned these people before, see posts from December 18 and 19 if you want more information. One guy is EN’s best friend and he’s generally cheap and useless, but a lot of fun to have around. The others are B and T, a couple we’ve known since before we were married. They are mooches like nothing I have ever seen. I dedicate the rest of this rant to their loser-like behavior.

First, let me point out that this weekend has always been a “boys weekend,” yet T insists on going along every year. She also nags the rest of the wives to please come along so she has girls to hang with. Um, no, it sounds miserable and dirty. I’d rather have a root canal. I occasionally take time away from the family, so it’s only right that EN have some time too.

I should mention that she’s always gone along, even before EN and some others started going. If she and her husband want to camp in the mud with thousands of unruly bikers and call that “date weekend” have at it, but leave the rest of us alone. If you are going to tag along with the guys, who are likely behaving badly, keep your mouth shut and don’t act like a whiny shrew.

These two idiots start complaining before they even go. They complain that the $25/person for food is too much and they’ll just buy food from the vendors. You see where this is going, right? Before long, they are too lazy to find a vendor, so they’re eating what EN has bought without paying their fair share. She also nags about how much beer B wants to buy, so he never buys enough, then proceeds to drink everyone else’s. These are the same people who have declined every potluck barbeque, but show up empty-handed just as the meal is being served.

They complain endlessly about how broke they are, yet she does not work. Why should she? She collects a check every month from the federal government. I’m sorry, but if you have the time, skills and energy to annoy people on Facebook and play games all day, there’s no reason why you should get to sit on your fat ass. They have no money, yet they own two motorcyles, one of which they custom built themselves.

It is the custom-built motorcycle that they have driven to this event for the last two years. Last year, it broke down three times before they finally got a ride home and drove back in their truck. The six hour drive took them 18 hours. You’d think they would have learned their lesson. But no. I get a text last night from EN saying that he has arrived and set up camp, but now was going to pick up the two dopes that were stranded 60 miles out. From what I gather, they had another hell ride out there and others within the group offered AAA assistance, which they declined. Why the heck would they take that offer when they could just whine to EN and have him trot off to get them? My left eyeball exploded when I heard this story last night.

What makes me even more angry is that I have known these people for 15 years and I can remember countless times when they have treated EN badly, said negative things about him to me and to others, she’s thrashed on me and made all sorts of false accusations… yet they still expect help at every turn.

I received a text at 10 pm last night that EN was on his way back to camp with his mooches in tow. I sure do hope he was kind enough to cook them dinner when they arrived at their final destination. I also hope he bought her the food she specifically requested but did not pay for. 

Ice Princess

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