Friday, February 15, 2013

Valentine's Day Buffoonery

Yesterday we experienced the joy that is Valentine’s Day. Having little kids turn this holiday into something so much more than the “commercial holiday” people complain that it has turned into. Sugar and Spice were delighted with their small gifts and bags of Valentine-themed Jelly Bellys. Their day was made even better when I cut their sandwiches into four little hearts for school lunches.

Yes, I wanted to slap my own face for doing that. However, they came home GUSHING about how much their friends liked their sandwiches, so I forgave myself for being “that mom.” I'm sure there are other moms lining up now to smack me for overdoing it. 

I went one step further and made heart-shaped meat loaf for dinner. In years past, I was the Bomb Diggity for doing that. This year, those little chicks turned into sculpture critics. They LAUGHED at my meat loaf and said it didn't look like a heart at all. So they had bread and water for dinner.

Not really.

Sugar is now “too old” to write out cards for her class and have a Valentine’s party, but its right in Spice’s sweet spot. We bought cards for boys and girls and she very carefully wrote them out for everyone in her class. Despite being super diligent, she somehow forgot one for one of her buddies and came home very upset that she left a friend out. She wrote out a new card, including an apology note, and brought it to school today.

While at work, we discussed Valentine celebrations and someone mentioned that the holiday had been banned in some school due to “cultural differences.” I call bullshit, but that’s a subject for another day. I mentioned that the only difference I noticed was that parents are specifically told to include a card for every single kid. To me, that seems a no-brainer.

The guys I was talking to said “NO WAY! There was always someone that you intentionally left out!” and both immediately came up with the name of some girl that was not worthy of receiving one of their precious cards. I swore to both of them that even nasty old Marvin got a Valentine from me. I didn't mention that it was the ugliest, grubbiest one in the package. A card is a card.

Given that I had shared knowledge with my boss that HE DID NOT KNOW (and he knows everything!) only moments before, I should have been prepared for the BS that I was about to get.

BossMan: Where is Marvin now?
Me: No idea, that was in the Midwest. Haven’t seen him in years.
BM: Well I bet that Valentine from you is the only one Marvin ever got. I’m sure he still has it and even laminated it to keep it safe all these years.
Me: Oh bullshit. Come on, I felt sorry for the kid! His family was dirt poor and he had to work in the cafeteria to earn a school lunch!
BM: You’re on Facebook, look him up! This is the year! He’s coming to getcha! Right now I bet he’s driving across the country with his laminated Valentine! He’s coming, mark my words!

Damn it, now I have to find Marvin and know where he is! I waited patiently while my boss continued his antics about Marvin’s long drive to New England, then dug into Facebook just as soon as he went back to his office.

As it turns out, Marvin is currently living in a southern state that I have visited and didn't like at all. His bride is quite lovely, as are their bunch of kids. As I'll never head back to that state, I’m quite sure I’m safe.

In the event he comes looking for me, I do hope he takes off the shower cap he’s got on in some of his Facebook pictures. 

Ice Princess

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