I’ve seen this situation come up a few times lately and I’m starting to wonder if one of my “inner demons” is actually a widespread issue that women everywhere are facing. It’s certainly not a big deal, but it pains me to no end when it happens.
Skinny Bitch was recently invited out by her Merry Band of PTA Bitches. While she was out, her neighbor came over to see if she could watch their kids so he could take his wife to the emergency room. Killjoy let it slip that Skinny was out with the PTA bitches, never realizing that the wife normally attended these events as well. Now the cat is out of the bag that the group went out without her.
Situation #2: I haven’t seen my old friend Skippy since he left the company I still work for. We’ve tried several times to have lunch, but something always happens that fouls it up. Today we are having lunch, but he asked me not to tell anyone in the office, specifically the girl that I normally have lunch with. He is not overly fond of her and doesn’t want her joining us.
In both those situations, there is someone left stuck in the middle, in a sense. Skinny Bitch and I discussed what happened with her GNO (Girls Night Out for those too fancy to use the whole words!) and she felt awful that Angela found out they went out without her. In the case of my lunch, I also feel badly that someone is being excluded… Is it OK to not include everyone all the time? Or is it not nice and we SHOULD feel like shit because we are consumed with guilt?
I’ve always been of the opinion, that if I’m the planner, I’ll invite everyone that I want there. If I don’t want you there, I won’t invite you. Therefore, when I set something up, I invite everyone so there are no hurt feelings. I end up inviting a shitload of people, everyone I know actually, just to keep the peace. Either that or I lie my fucking ass off and hope that no one finds out what I’ve been up to. If I am NOT the planner, I have no right to invite additional people. That’s rude, right? Unless someone says, “Bring a friend!” it’s generally not acceptable to bring a gaggle with you.
I also find myself in this situation when it comes to mixing family, friends and coworkers. I generally do NOT like to mix my peeps. I keep three separate compartments for a reason. I especially do not like to mix family with friends and/or coworkers. I don’t have to claim my friends or coworkers. If they act like idiots in some way, it doesn’t really reflect on me at all. But family? You have no choice but to claim their bad behavior, and I guarantee, when it’s my family, there’s sure to be bad behavior. I don’t want to be part of it. In fact, nine times out of ten, I’m embarrassed by something they say or do, so it’s just plain easier to not mix the peeps.
I end up planning parties and get-togethers under the cover of darkness and I’m guilt-ridden though the entire process. I’m not sure if feeling like that is better or worse than saying, “To hell with it” and inviting everyone… then try to get through the party while holding my breath in fear of a parent getting belligerent or something.
Is it really normal to be so consumed by guilt for having a social life? Is this my own doing? Am I a bitch for not inviting everyone all the time? Or am I a pansy because I feel bad that some are comfortable not liking other people and therefore not including them? I am so torn by this. It should be perfectly ok to enjoy a meal and not invite the world.
But my guilt leaves a lump in my throat.