Monday, November 28, 2011

The Big Move

It’s been more than a week since I’ve blogged and life has gone from busy to flat-out fucking insane. I look back at the last post and laugh about how tired I was then. That tired ain’t got nothin’ on this tired. Holy hell.

Last weekend was Moving Weekend. I thought I had a great handle on things, with all my packing and moving things over in the evening. I was so neat and organized about everything. I should have known it would all fly out the window. Things began to fall apart when I looked in Sugar’s room and came to the realization that she hadn’t packed a damn thing. I spent much of Friday night and Saturday morning getting her room together.

On Friday night, Tiny Mike came over and we made the second trip to the new house together. I gave him a tour of the house and he actually dared to lie down on the red carpeted bench. I told him he must disinfect immediately. As per usual when we hang out, we had a blast. We were smart enough this time to go to bed at a reasonable hour.

We woke up early and got right to work. EN was sick as a dog, but there really wasn’t time to stop and take a moment to relax. People were due to come help us move at 10 am. By 10:30 only Killjoy had joined us and EN was giving me grief about where all my volunteers were. I returned the favor and asked where the hell his people were. People started showing up shortly thereafter. The boys were tearing down the furniture and Skinny Bitch and Snorting Girl joined me in packing up the rest of our stuff. I’m embarrassed at the amount of crap we own.

While I was amazed at the number of people that showed up, I was even more shocked at the good time everyone seemed to be having. Yes, it sucked dragging out dryers and refrigerators and all our “real” furniture (Killjoy told me that from now on I am only to buy press board furniture from Walmart and Target!)… But everyone got along so well and laughed and joked through the day. We really were blessed with the good people who showed up to help, expecting nothing more than beer and pizza in return.

By 2:30, everything in the house (besides small stuff) was loaded into the truck and ready to go to the new house. The girls stayed back to load up the vehicles we were driving and took care of ordering lunch dinner. More on that in a bit. We arrived at the new house and the truck was half empty already.

As Skinny had already seen the house, I quickly gave Snorting Girl a tour and she was so delighted to meet Peg that she took pictures of her. Then she rested her beer on Peg and just had to take more pictures of “Peg holding a beer.” It’s good to have friends that can make you laugh in the face of insanity.This is Peg, for those of you that have forgotten: 

Furniture was placed in the correct rooms and the refrigerator was already plugged in and running. Everyone was slowing down and I assured them that we had pizza coming. I started to look around the new house and just lost it… nothing looked right, nothing felt right. The furniture that looked so good in the old house looked dumb here and didn’t fit right, despite my drawings and careful planning… Even my new bed didn’t seem right.

All the furniture was moved into the house, yet there was still no pizza. I called for an ETA and was told it would be there shortly. More time passed, still no pizza… EN made the second call and was told they were enroute. Two hours after ordering, the ten pizzas he told me to order had arrived. I should have used my own math and catering experience to place the order. We had about four pizzas too many.

It started to get cold and dark. What would you expect a group of tired, hungry, beer drinking people to do? Build a bonfire, of course. There were tables in the driveway and furniture on the front porch, but we all migrated to the backyard and hung around the fire. We tried to figure out what time it was, thinking it must be close to midnight and shocked to learn it was 6:30. Everyone continued to get their drink on outdo each other with story after story.

The last guest left and we came into the disaster zone that is now our home. Tiny Mike started moving furniture around and commenting on colors and arrangement. I left them to arrange more rooms and set up the shower curtain and dumped a mess of toiletries into the shower. We bedded down and woke up the next day for another round of moving small shit and laughing our heads off. As we woke, we found that the girls kitchen playset was still on the front porch. I said, “Boy, I bet the neighbors are impressed with the trash that moved into the ‘hood! The appliances we leave on the porch aren’t even real!”

For the most part, the move went smoothly. A few tables have scratches and the dryer has a great battle scar. My only piece of “fake” furniture lost a door… Snorting Girl carried a basket of clothes from a car to the basement and proceeded to drop a bra in the driveway for all to see. A proud moment for me. Did I mention that I snapped EVERY SINGLE underwire in every bra I own packing and moving? Life doesn’t get any better than that.

And now, we attempt to adjust. We live in a great big house where we have multiple bathrooms yet each has something wrong with it… We shower in one, use the toilets in others… some sinks are not usable and in none of them is there enough space to store what we have. In fact the teensy linen closet in the girls bathroom is so small that every time I put something in there, I have to pry my boob out of the closet when I’m done. Skinny Bitch, I have a job for you!!

The rooms are set up generally, but we are surrounded by boxes. In this much bigger house, there is no closet space anywhere, except in the girls bedrooms.  The wall oven sits on the floor and is not usable. If there is too much on the kitchen counter, the plywood bends and the drawers underneath won’t open. EN keeps telling me this house will be beautiful someday but the only thought running through my head is, “What the fuck have we done?”

Ice Princess

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