Saturday, September 24, 2011

Bachelor Party

EN is out tonight at a Bachelor Party for one of our friends that is getting married in October. We both adore Creig. He makes us laugh every time we see him. Do you know any other person on this earth that dances the Electric Slide to EVERY song? As I sit here alone, having a few drinks (yes, drinking alone! It’s been Hella Week in the real estate process!) I reflect back and realize that my anniversary is in a few days. It’s likely that thirteen years ago on this night, I was sitting alone in a different house while EN was whooping it up with his friends at his own Bachelor Party.

I should mention that while EN and I prefer to go out together, neither of us has a problem with one going out without the other. It is our agreement that we are upfront about it. If one wants to go somewhere with his/her friends, we discuss it and if there’s a reason the person staying home has issue, we speak up. We don’t play that game where we agree to go out as a single, then come home and the partner is pissed. That’s just stupid. Fight beforehand and plan on make-up sex when the other returns.

So, thirteen years ago I planned ahead for EN’s big night out. I went to the video store (pre-Netflix, y’all) and rented several chick flicks. I don’t remember two of them, but one was Terms of Endearment. EN left for the night, intending on sleeping at the best man’s house, and I curled up in my bed with the dogs and zoned out to my movies. I laughed and cried and was blissful. It was a night off from the stress that comes along with wedding planning.

At 2 am the phone rang. Terror struck my heart. A bunch of drunken buffoons had been tearing up the town and I thought the worst. Instead, it was EN. He. Was. Loaded.

EN: Hi Baaaaby.
Me: Hi. Why are you calling?
EN: Because I miss you.
Me: You miss me? You’ve been whooping it up with your pals!
EN: I wanna come hoooooome.
Me: Really? You want me to get up and come and get you?
EN: Please? And can you take us to breakfast too?

So, off I go. Yes really. I took off my jammies and Winnie The Pooh bathrobe and got dressed and went to get my little party animal. I pulled up to the best man’s house and I could see EN waiting outside with one of his buddies. They stumbled to the car and gave me directions to the place they wanted to go for breakfast.

We were seated amongst the drunkest of the drunk and the weirdest of the weird. There were cross dressers, bikers and college kids, all waiting to be served and acting like they weren’t under the influence. It was quite something for me, being the only person not intoxicated.

The three of us sat down and placed our orders. The food came quickly and we dug in. Side note: remember being in your 20’s and thinking that eating fried food in the middle of the night was a good idea? Anyway, we ate and chatted about their fun-filled night. Suddenly, EN sat back and gave THE LOOK. Oh, shit… He excused himself and stumbled to the bathroom. I tried to talk louder to our friend, knowing what was coming. EN is by far the loudest puker in the world. All of a sudden, RETCH RETCH RETCH! Everyone in the restaurant gave pause to listen and our friend looked at me, “Is that EN?” Why yes, yes it is. I continued eating. If those pricks are dragging me out at 2 am, I’m enjoying my food. EN came back to the table and polished off his meal, his belly was empty now after all.

I drove our friend back to the best man’s house and EN insisted he still wanted to go home, so that’s where I took him.

And so far, we lived happily ever after.

Ice Princess

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