Monday, August 13, 2012

Nothing Says Sexy Like A Sleep Mask

While I was in the midst of all the mammograms and ultrasounds and doctor’s appointments, I asked my regular doctor to check my blood because it didn’t feel like the anemia was going away. Last week, they sent me the results via some fancy “E-Chart” email, and I had a follow up appointment today.

Because I have an honorary MD (comes free when you become a mother), I came to my own conclusions upon reading the results. I figured today that he would tell me I am overweight, I eat too much; I drink too much and need medicine for high blood pressure.  Because I KNEW that’s what he was going to tell me, I started my day off with a three-mile walk with two dogs and zero children. It was very peaceful.

When I arrived for the appointment I convinced the medical assistant that we really didn’t need my weight again as we just got that a few weeks ago. Since it was Monday morning, she gave me a free pass. She did take my blood pressure but didn’t comment, so I assume all was well there. Then she said that there was a new member of the practice (a nurse practitioner) and would I mind if she came in with the doctor. Of course I don’t mind an extra body in the room for a lecture.

So he came in and started going through my results. All these numbers are borderline high, blah blah blah… “The numbers would easily go down with a 5-10 pound weight loss.” Ok, really? Let’s call a spade a spade, I’m in the “need to lose 50 pounds region”, but whatever, I’ll take it! So I nearly broke my arm patting myself on the back when I casually mentioned by three-mile walk. OF COURSE I BRAGGED.

Then the big news: the iron is helping and I am no longer anemic, but my some-f-word level is still low, so I should keep taking the iron… in fact, double up if I am not afraid of getting constipated (no thanks). We engage in a long conversation about my sleep habits and then we take a right turn without warning…

DR: Do you snore?
Me: OF COURSE NOT. My husband says I do though. But we all know he lies.
DR: The reason I ask is because I think you have sleep apnea.

He then proceeds to recite all the symptoms I have listed in our sleep discussion and suggests that I should have a sleep study done.

After I booked my annual physical, I left the office and called EN. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: OMG, you are going to shit your pants laughing when you hear this… The doctor asked me if I snore…
EN: Yes, you snore all the freakin’ time. Last night you snored all night even.
Me: Stop lying! He thinks I have sleep apnea and wants me to go do a sleep study.
EN: STFU! You are going to go the doctor’s and take a nap???

I sniffed and said in the snottiest voice I could muster… “I might have a medical condition that requires me to nap on a very regular basis. You should be respectful of my potential condition.”

If I listen closely, I can still hear him laughing. 

Another picture stolen from Google. How sexy is THIS?!

Ice Princess

No comments:

Post a Comment