I went to a party at my new neighbor’s house and I behaved abysmally. I was THAT girl. Let me list my offenses:
1. A woman walked in carrying a little Maltese dog under her arm. After she walked by I looked at the others I was sitting with and said, “What’s up with the dog?” While rude, the comment did cause the four girls sitting near me to bust into uproarious laughter. I feel my comment was justified when the woman picked her dog up later in the evening and chastised it for being rude.
2. A woman was singing the praises of 50 Shades of Gray and said it was the BEST book ever. I loudly announced that her porn was lame and that she should read something by Megan Hart. I guess I nominated myself Know-It-All of the Erotic Fiction Genre. Go me.
3. I was introduced to the woman whose parents lived in my foreclosed and raped house. I didn’t mention that fact that I lived here, but reminded her that I had met her at a party at her own house. When she walked away, I wiggled my unwaxed eyebrows at the hostess and said, “AWKWARD.” Seriously, what do you say to the person that you KNOW had a hand in trashing the house you just bought… “You people should be arrested for your actions” isn’t going to win friends anywhere.
On the other hand, I made some new friends. I ran into a girl that I had met ten years ago when she was still a teenager. We talked about her family and she was stunned by the ridiculous details I remembered about people I knew so long ago. We chatted forever and as I left she told me she loved me and would look me up on Facebook.
Two other girls that laughed harder at Doggie Mama than I did said that I fit in well with them and invited me to join up with them and start a Jersey Shore style, “blond headed white girl brawl.” Be sure to note that in that situation, I was a follower and not a leader. I do realize that if said brawl had materialized, I would have been considered an accomplice.
I’m home now and giggling just a little about my misdeeds. I’m almost always the nice girl at a party. If I disagree with something, I shut up about it, especially with someone I don’t know. I might think wicked thoughts about women carrying dogs around like accessories and the awkwardness of being introduced to skanks, but that obviously wasn’t the case tonight.
I was THAT girl. And I kinda liked it.