Saturday, May 5, 2012

Laters, Baby...

If you knew where the title of this post came from, I know what you’ve been reading. If you don’t know what the title refers to, I have to ask… DO YOU LIVE UNDER A ROCK? HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE HEARD OF THIS SERIES OF BOOKS?

I’m referring of course to the book 50 Shades of Gray. It’s been the hot topic on talk shows, the Internet, magazines, and playgrounds everywhere. Women are reading porn these days and they are all too happy to tell their friends all about it.

Back in the olden days (like last year), women may have read smut, but they didn’t talk about it. If they did, they owned up to reading something written by that bad girl Jackie Collins if they felt the need to read something racy. The popularity and main stream discussions of this book seem to have made the reading of down and dirty raunch acceptable.

I’m ok with this. In fact, I embrace it. If men can walk into a store and buy a Playboy without shame, why can’t a woman read a novel that causes her nether regions to smoke like a Grateful Dead concert?

Ultra and I discussed this book, but she read it before me. She recommended that I DROP EVERYTHING and read it. Then she was completely annoyed with my commentary about the book when I started it. Who can blame her? I’m a picky pain in the ass. I even annoy myself sometimes.

I liked the characters in the book, but the “good parts” didn’t make my loins ache as I was under the impression they would. I found the speed that Ana went from being a virgin to letting Christian tie her up a little unrealistic. I also found myself to be uncomfortable with the dominant/submissive angle of the story. Not my gig.

But as uncomfortable as I found that to be, nothing prepared me for an email from my mother. She had been at her hair salon and her stylist asked her if she had read the books. She recommended these books to my mother, so my mom felt the need to ask me if I had heard of the series. Y’all… I’m not discussing this shit with my mother. I just can’t. Despite some very vivid memories of walking in on my parents, I’ve convinced myself at this point that my birth was as a direct result of an immaculate conception. I don’t care what you have to say, that’s how it happened. My parents do not DO IT and my mother should have ZERO interest in smut. I won’t have it!

I told my mom that I had read the first book and it wasn’t really something I thought she would like. I didn’t say out loud, but if it is something she’d like, I don’t want to discuss it. My virgin ears would bleed.

Back to the books… I’ve read the first and plan on reading the rest of the series. However, I can’t read multiple books by the same author back to back because I end up annoyed by similar story lines, word usage, etc. I TOLD YOU, I am a total pain in the ass.

I’d also like to take a moment to enlighten the girlfriends about an unsung hero in the smut genre, if there is such a thing. I believe it’s properly referred to as erotic fiction. If you are in the mood, or NEED to get IN THE MOOD, check out Megan Hart. You can go right onto and read an excerpt from her novel, Tempted. If that shit doesn’t set your panties on fire, I can’t help you.

And if this post about erotic fiction offends you, know that I am offended too. I would never read shit like that. Ever.

Ice Princess 

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