Chubby Chicks: Week One

About once a year… or more, I whine about my weight and all the crazy plans I have to lose a shit ton… and nothing happens. I am disgusted with myself and rereading the blog reminds me painfully of my failings.

While I might not be eating right or exercising EVER, the way I look is always on my mind. I’m unhappy and embarrassed. My coworker and I joked about starting Weight Watchers after the holidays, but then I got sick and didn't want to go out in the cold that first Thursday after returning from the break.

I was still sick and couldn't hear anything last week, so I felt justified in saying, “We’ll start in another week.”  However, I was on Facebook and someone put up one of those inspirational signs that said, “A year from now you’ll wish you started today.”

Well fuck you and the horse you rode in on, that is a SIGN sent down from the Facebook gods, we must start today. So last Thursday we were off to our first meeting. We weighed in separately, but then told each other anyway. Our number on the scale is near identical. I won’t add that she’s two inches taller than me though!

I was surprised by all the changes in WW. I had been a member twice before and did quite well, especially the first time around. I had been anxious to get my slide rule back so I could start figuring out points and get my fat ass back on track. I am not going to lie, I almost cried in the meeting when she told me they don’t have the slide rule any more.  They assured me that it was easy to figure out points with their magical app available for the iPhone, eTools online or I could buy their handy new calculator.

Thanks for the options, but I want my fucking slide rule. Also, I don’t have an iPhone… so for the past week, I've been relying heavily on the eTools… I regularly put in numbers from food labels or random items all the time to see how many points things are worth. My coworker and I shared a moment of silence when we learned that one of our favorite pizza places has a 52 point value for their individual sized pepperoni pizza.

We no longer count calories. We look at things like fat grams, carbohydrates, protein and fiber. It didn't take this old girl long to figure out what makes points values higher and how to eat the maximum amount for the least number of points. One can eat mass quantities of vegetables and fruits and not have to use any points. It’s too bad that there are only about five vegetables that I’ll eat and two are corn and potatoes… not really even vegetables at all.

So I whine to Skinny Bitch that I’m starving and she suggests roasted vegetables. I've never heard of such a thing, tell me more. Nearly every night, I've been throwing together a combination of fresh vegetables in a baking pan with a bit of olive oil and spices and throwing in the oven at a high temperature… DELICIOUS. So good that even Sugar and Spice gobble them up!

Since EN does all the shopping, he noticed the different food I added to the standard list and now he’s interested in WW too. It’s like being part of a cult, I tell you! I started finding points values for all his favorites and he decided he’s going to try this. We know what’s coming right? He’s going to lose weight faster than me and I’ll be pissed. I have already thought of that solution, I will lie to him about points… Oh the Big Mac? Only two points! Load up, have three!!

It’s my membership so it’s easy for him to ask how much every food is worth. And it’s even easier for me to get annoyed with his constant asking, especially after I say “FRUITS AND VEGETABLES HAVE ZERO POINTS.” Yesterday as he was making his lunch, this is what we sounded like”

EN: How many points is lettuce?

Me: Zero. Vegetables have zero points.

EN: How about peppers?

Me: Zero. Peppers are vegetables.

EN: How many points are…

At this point, I snapped. I recollected one of my favorite commercials of all time. I don’t remember what exactly it was for, but the scene was in a store called Everything’s A Dollar. The customer kept asking over and over “How much is this?” and the employee kept saying “One dollar” before getting so frustrated he grabs the microphone for the store and shouts “ONE DOLLAR” the next time the customer asked.

The next time EN asked how many points something was, that’s what I did. I shouted “ONE DOLLAR” because I was annoyed, frustrated and maybe a touch hungry.

First weekly weigh in was today. I lost four pounds. I’m pleased and determined to stick with the program. I’m wise enough to know that a four pound loss every week isn't reality. My goal is to weigh in every Thursday and see a loss, no matter how big or small. Sooner or later I’ll get to my happy place.

Every Thursday I’ll blog about how I've done. Not to bore you all to tears, but to keep me honest and to have a “journal” of sorts to look back on. 

xoxo

Ice Princess