Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Turn on the Charm

I got pulled over today on my way home from work. It occurred to me when I shared the story with a friend that I have had some funny interactions when it comes to being pulled over… and I rarely get a ticket, which infuriates EN. He could sneeze in the direction of a cop and get a whopping fine… which I find amusing. I’ve never cried or offered sexual favors in return for a warning instead of an actual citation. It must just be my good looks and charm that keep me from paying a hefty fine. I hope you are all rolling your eyes and making gagging noises at that last sentence. I know I am.

I was first pulled over right after graduating from high school. I was in the car with Kate and Shannon. We were on our way to a pool party. I got an expensive ticket and my dad said, “Why didn’t you cry?” I had to explain to him that I was pulled over by a gigantic, manly-looking female cop. I don’t think she would have appreciated my tears.

The next time, I was about 25 and going through the difficult time that I referred to in my last post. Kate, my sister and Kate’s two kids were in the car with me. I was crying even before I got pulled over and kept my sunglasses on through the entire exchange with the officer. Another huge fine.

Shortly after that, I was driving to work one morning and was barely speeding. The officer informed me that I was SPEEDING, going 60 in a 50 mph zone. While tapping my freshly manicured nails on the steering wheel, I told him that I didn’t realize it was a 50 mph zone in that direction. He said, “Nice nails” and sent me on my way. My luck with the boys in blue was starting to turn.

There were a few more incidents after that… once I yelled at the cop that I was late for work and it was my husbands fault. I think he might have peed a little and didn’t even check my license, just handed everything back to me and said “try to have a better day.” A year later, again on my way to work, I was pulled over by a prison transport vehicle (how humiliating!) and got a very stern lecture from the sheriff. I can only imagine what the prisoners in the back of the van were saying to each other.

Today’s incident really surprised me, I saw the blue lights and had no idea what I had done. There’s a road closure on the route that I don’t normally take home, so I followed instructions from EN, or so I thought. I needed to take a left across a very busy two-lane road. I barely paused to look around, decided I had time to go before the swarm of oncoming cars would cross my path. I booted it. Too bad I didn’t notice the No Left Turn sign, or the cop that was leading the pack of oncoming traffic.

The officer starts our conversation with the usual “do you know why I’m pulling you over?” question and I told him that I had no idea. He informed me that left turns are not allowed there, then asked how my driving record was. I told him that I couldn’t remember the last time I got a ticket. I may have giggled a little, maybe batted an eyelash (there could have been something in my eye). He told me that if I was being honest, I would only receive a warning. He came back to the car after about five minutes and waved the warning in a flirty little way and said, “Now isn’t this better than a $100 fine?” HELL YEAH!!!

I guess my advice is this: be honest with the boys in blue. They look kindly upon that. If you aren’t convinced that will work, bat the eyelashes. If things still aren’t going your way, shake what your mama gave ya… isn’t that what they are there for? ;o)

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