My Kid Bought a Timeshare

I know I blogged about this last year, but I can’t find the post to remember exactly what I had to say. I really should start using some of those fancy tags other bloggers use. That would help me remember shit in my old age. If I repeat myself, forgive me.

This time of the school year is an utter delight. The kids are just getting comfortable in their classes, getting into the groove of their new schools, making friends… the newness of the school year has faded quite a bit. What better time to lasso the kids in and get them drinkin’ the kool aid and buying the time shares. Anyone who has had kids in school for longer than one school year already knows what I am referring to: The Annual Fundraiser.

In all honesty, this “annual” can be filed along with any other annual you can think of. They all suck: the physical, mammogram, the furnace cleaning, the Pap smear… Don’t all those activities sound delightful? Wouldn’t it be great to do them all in one day? I digress…

Yesterday Sugar shook with excitement when she pulled a great big envelope out of her back pack and announced that she’s selling magazines because IF SHE SELLS ENOUGH SHE GETS A REALLY COOL PRIZE LIKE A WHOOPIE CUSHION. I asked her if she knew we were moving and she said yes. I asked if she thought we’d have time to hit up every person we know with a pulse to push her goods… she said no. Given that we were at the new house waiting for the flooring guy, I got out of dealing with pouty face by saying I’d look things over when we got home. {God grant me serenity and give me a freakin’ backbone!} We get home and she starts back in on the fundraiser information. She REALLY WANTS TO SELL SOME MAGAZINES SO SHE CAN WIN SOME PRIZES.

Everyone is aware, I’m sure, of my love for the Mommy Mafia and the PTA Bitches. These women band together and swarm across a crowd of innocent mommys and try to con them into joining forces and embracing the life of supporting our children in their schools. It’s hard enough for me to keep sane when they come after me to Be One With Them, but to sic these bitches on a school full of innocent children? I’m not exactly sure what they told our sweet babies yesterday, but it was obvious that had they been selling time shares, every child in attendance would have a 40 year mortgage on a second home they’d visit one week a year.

Where do these women train? They give the best commission-paid salespeople I know a run for their  money. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that David Koresh, Jim Jones and door knocking Jehovah’s Witnesses all trained under these women. I don’t know what their hook was exactly… ‘free’ cheap crap? If that’s what they’re after, I’ll throw the girls each $5 and let them loose in the Dollar Store. I just don’t understand what tempts these kids to sell crap to their loved ones only to earn other cheap crap.

I can understand fund raising, truly I can. There’s never enough money to go around. However, when I think about the standard fundraisers and how much time I invest, it makes more sense for me to donate goods, services or cold hard cash to the school on a regular basis. By doing that, I give what I want, when I want… and I never have to play collections agent either.  

xoxo

Ice Princess