Because Sugar and Spice know that their mother is practically comatose in the early morning hours, that’s when they plan their attacks.
Several weeks ago I was fresh out of the shower and getting ready for work when Sugar flew into the bathroom. “Mama, it’s going to be 82 degrees today. You need to shave my legs so I can wear shorts to school.”
I took about .2 seconds to gather my thoughts and told her that first off, her legs really didn't need to be shaved; they have wispy, light colored hair that isn't even noticeable unless she’s in the direct sunlight. I then asked if she was sure it was going to be that warm and she shoved her iPod in my face to show me the weather with a big smiling sunshine and 82 degrees.
I knew this was something she really wanted to do BECAUSE ALL HER FRIENDS ARE DOING IT, but I didn't have the time, or the necessary equipment (an extra razor and shaving cream). I reiterated the same conversation that we've had several times, “Please wait until after you turn 12.”
She seemed ok with this and left to take a shower and get ready for school. I continued with my morning routine, and as I finished up I could hear angry voices coming from another part of the house. I went to investigate and found that Sugar was indeed angry and was taking it out on her sister. I looked at EN with raised eyebrows and a WTF look on my face. He said, “She’s mad because you didn't shave her legs.”
Sweet mother of God, the girl doesn't even have enough hair to shave! I told her that if she was that worried about it, she should just wear capris.
When we were all in the kitchen, she continued on with her rant about how she has GROSS HAIRY LEGS and that she was going DIE, JUST SWEATING TO DEATH IN CAPRIS IN THE 82 DEGREE HEAT. At that point EN snapped to attention… “Who told you it was going to be 82 today? It’s only 40 degrees now!”
I didn't realize it was still that cool out, but it’s not inconceivable that we’d see a forty degree in a day. After all, we live in New England… if you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes. I said, “She showed me on her iPod that it’s going to get that warm today.”
He asked to see the iPod and handed it back to her… “We don’t live in Atlanta.” She found the weather for our area and found that we were going to see temperatures in the 60’s. Still not enough for her to call a truce.
“All my friends are going to make fun of me. They are going to ask me AGAIN when I’m going to shave my legs!”
As is typical for me, I finally snapped… “The next time they say that to you, ask them when they are going to shave their mustaches!”
I could hear Spice and EN trying to muffle their laughter…
Sugar: They don’t have mustaches. They have peach fur.
EN: Um, I think it’s called peach fuzz.
Sugar: WHATEVER! But they don’t have mustaches.
Me: Well you don’t have hairy legs either. They’re covered in peach fur.